Things You Learn From X1999
by Aikawa Fuuko
Summary: Uhh...The title says it all...


A/N: What can I say? I'm bored, and I'm in the mood for writing again! ^__^ Reading too many humorous fics gives you this feeling of insanity… Basically, I invited my friend to my house and persuaded her to watch X with me. This is what happened.

Disclaimer: CLAMP!!! I seriously want to kill them for what they did to our bishounens…

_~@~ Things You Learn From X/1999 ~@~_

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

"Neee, what's taking you sooo long?" A pouting face suddenly appears in front of me. I sigh, and grab her into my room.

"Patience is needed for a successful person in life. Plus, I can't find The End Of The World anywhere…" Shoving her to a chair in front of my PC, I continue to search for my dear DVDs in the drawers.

"The end…of the world??" The poor girl turns paled and prepares to run out of the room screaming. Luckily, I catch her in time.

"No, it's just an anime."

"Umm, I thought so…" She darts her eyes around nervously, as if the sky is gonna fall down any minute. Really, she is too sensitive for her own good…Remember the time I told her I wanted to show her an anime about 'Shinigami', she nearly fainted and said that she didn't want to watch a horror movie about ghosts and zombies running around…

"So I guess…it's about the end of the world, right?" She asks hesitantly.

"Yup." Finally, I found the DVDs.

"People die and buildings crash down?"

"Yup." I really think she got a pretty good imagination. The girl turns paled again. Uh oh…

"Don't worry, people fall in love with each other too," I assure her. Predictably, her face lit up. There, she's a sucker for sap and fluff.

Some hours passed…

"So, what do you think?"

Silence.

"Hey? What's wrong?" I wave frantically in front of her eyes.

Blink.

"It's the end?" A somewhat hoarse voice asks me. I think she cried and sobbed too much. Well, my voice is hoarse too, but it's from screaming 'SEISHIROU-SAN' for about four hours.

"Yes. So what do you think about it?"

"NOOOO!! Everyone DIED!! And I thought Fushigi Yuugi was bad enough!!" The girl breaks down crying again. Oh my…

She goes on babbling for about ten minutes, and then suddenly turns to me.

"Wait, I still don't understand one thing. Why are most of them guys? There are only, what, _three_ girls! And the guys are really hot too!" She looks at me for a while, then suddenly smiles.

"I know! God must be a woman!"

"What?!" I sweat-drop. She sure is weird.

"People who call themselves Dragons can fly. Including 'dragonfly'."

"Huh?" I blink, and then catch on with her idea when she places a piece of paper in front of me and gestures me to write down. Pencils scribble frantically on papers.

"Monks are hot."

"Twins can be very different sometimes."

Yeah right. One of my friend's strange hobbies is write down the things she learns from a movie or a book. That can be very interesting sometimes.

"When a guy says he wants to kill you, it means he wants you to kill him."

"When a guy starts calling himself by your name, it means he's about to sexually harass you. RUN!"

"Never smoke 'Mild Seven'. There's a possibility you will be punched through your heart in the near future." I happily join in the fun.

"Want to be happy all the time? Eat Pocky!" I think my friend does realize that it sounds like some sort of advertisement.

"Blind in one eye is a new fashion that makes all the girls swoon over you." My friend looks at me weirdly. Okay, 'most of the girls' then.

"Never get involved with your brother's best friend, or else you'll get killed. He might be your dear oniichan's boyfriend."

"Try sleeping 24/7. You might get the chance to see your future."

"The best way to express your love is whisper 'I…you…', and then leave the rest to the other's imagination."

"Sitting on top of Tokyo Tower and going for a walk on rooftops are the best ways to relax."

"When you get water and fire together, you receive lots of smoke." Now that sounds like a fundamental fact.

"Your older sister can look twenty years younger than you."

"Don't give up if you meet an Ice Queen/King. Teach them how to cook and the fire in the kitchen will melt them." My sappy and fluffy friend rewinds to the part with Sorata and Arashi in the kitchen. She keeps swooning over them for ten minutes.

"If you want to hear the Earth's scream, try talking to animals."

"Mental shields up! There's some psychotic empath out there who might mistake some of your passing crazy ideas to your wish!" 

"You can get killed if you damage a blond guy's expensive suit. Of course, he'll die soon too."

"The most jealous creature is a computer, woman is only second."

"Guys ANGST more than girls, despite popular belief."

"Trying to kill your best friend, continually sexually harassing them, sticking sharp objects into their body, etcetera, are not the best ways to get them in love with you."

"All the good guys are gay or taken."

"Most of the ones who want to destroy the world work for the government."

"Being a bad guy helps you get a better fashion sense."

"Never name your PC 'Beast'. It has a tendency to attack its user on…umm…personal places…"

::shudder::

"Woman is dangerous. A woman working at a Soapland is even more dangerous."

"Family man can flirt."

"If your friend has identity crisis, don't comment. You will get into trouble if you do."

"Some women can bear both children and swords."

"Asexual reproduction is dangerous. It can create a genderless four-year-old killer in the body of a teenager."

Umm…

"Dead people can't bring their closet to heaven." Poor Hokuto-chan…

"If you see a young girl talking to an empty spot next to her, don't laugh. Her inugami might get mad if you do."

"If a guy keeps ranting about destiny sucks and all, don't hurriedly jump to conclusion that he has mental problems. He just might be the one who is gonna save the world."

"Monochrome clothes are stylish."

"If a guy says he will help you get your wish, RUN FOR YOUR DEAR LIFE!!"

"Okay, that's it." I sigh happily and read again the piece of paper.

"Idiot! What are you waiting for? Post it on ff.net right now!" My friend smacks me with an encyclopedia.

"Itai…"

Another thing I learn from X: Watching X too much is bad for your health. And your mind.

…

So what do you guys learn from X then?


End file.
